Funny/not so funny Spouse story
A months ago, I was suffering from a terrible, debilitating migraine. I couldn’t sleep from the pain and my body hurt so bad that I couldn’t manage to move myself from the fetal position I was laying in.
At about 1 am I woke my husband, Brandon, up to get me some ibuprofen to help with the pain. Being the amazing husband that he is, got up and zombie-walked his way to the kitchen. I could hear him rummaging in the kitchen searching for the ibuprofen. He manages to come back to the room with two red-brown tablets and bottle of water. I look at the pills. They look different but what do I know? He probably grabbed the generic ones.
Hours later, I am still unable to get any relief. The ibuprofen Brandon gave me didn’t do anything. I already know that I am all out of Excedrin. Ugh! What was I to do? I wake up my dear husband again.
He grunts and shifts his sleep position.
“Brandon… babe… please wake up!”
He rolls over excruciatingly slow and opens one eye at me.
“Babe… can you please run out and buy some Excedrin? I can’t take this migraine. I need some relief”
He rolls out of bed, pulls on some black basketball shorts, laces on his black and white Reebok sneakers and walks out of our bedroom.
To speed things up, he bring back Excedrin and I take a two tablets. My migraine continues, I start to have the runs, I’m in tears at this point. I just want to lie down, but I also need to sit on the toilet!!
I turn to my Facebook friends and with the advice of my pharmacist, I decide to take two more ibuprofen. This time, Brandon is busy with Penny so I decide to get them myself. I go to the cabinet, and start sorting through the bottles. I finally find the bottle of CVS brand ibuprofen behind a multitude of other medications and first aid supplies. I dump some tablets I my hand and stare at them. These are not the same ones that I took this morning. Same color, similar shape, but something is different. I shrug it off. If you’ve ever had a migraine, you know that your brain isn’t even functioning properly anyway.
I find relief! Finally! My migraine has subsided and I can finally function.
Now that you have read the backstory… are you ready for this next part? If you are one of those people that laugh loudly… I suggest you move somewhere where loud laughter is appropriate.
Ready? Here you go!
Days later, my back and hip are aching from sleeping on a hospital pull out couch so I ask Brandon to grab the ibuprofen.
He comes back with the bottle of ibuprofen and begins to speak.
“Babe… Can I confess something?”
If you know my husband… you know that we don’t keep things from each other. I nod my head.
“Remember when you woke me up in the middle of the night to get you ibuprofen?”
I raise my eyebrows and nod my head again.
“Please remember that I was half asleep. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
My face transforms from curious to concerned.
“I noticed today that when I reached for the ibuprofen the bottle was pretty full. The bottle I grabbed from a few days ago was almost empty.”
My eyes widened. What the heck did my husband give me!!???
“I thought that was strange so I started looking for a emptier bottle. Then I found the bottle that I grabbed from. “
At this point, I’m thinking the worst. My husband almost poisoned me!
I’m still staring at him.
“I accidentally gave you stool softener. “
There you have it ladies and gentlemen! I wasn’t poisoned! My husband just managed to make already horrible situation, worse!!